So I went and visited the kiddo in &^%& ( I can't write it anymore). she seems to be doing OK, the therapist she is seeing claims she has anger issues revolving around the death of her dad... since I didn't let her see him before she was 18 and then when she did he had died the year before... whoops!
and then the death of Ryan... because she loved him...and he was so young and it was an unneccessary death.
She is working through issues about her ambition or lack of and why and this doctor has recently prescribed cymbalta for her depression, but will continue to see her when she gets out of the pokey as she is signed up for medi-cal.
anyway, I sort of got on her yesterday because she looked like hell and she hadn't brushed her teeth yet. SO .... I nagged on her til she started crying stating "she is trying her hardest to keep her spirits up and me coming in there was supposed to help and I shouldn't be on her that hard"
She no longer wants to tell me her goals as she states I always "roll my eyes" and she needs to show me not tell me. What she did share with me was that a tampon string has multiple uses other than its intended use.
1. it ties your socks together for laundry so you always get them back in pairs
3. and if you wrap one finger around one end, and another finger around the other end, the middle can be moved in and out.... and if you are really good at it....you can grab your unruly eyebrow hair and pluck them.... hers look phenomenal.
anyway... I love her with all my breaking heart and no one will ever change my mind about that. No one can tell me she is "not worthy" of my love. She is my daughter and I will defend her to my death.... just as my mother did!